For all the kitchen gadgets you never knew you needed, there’s an As Seen on TV commercial for that. From the Slap Chop to the Grill Glove, the bizarre products that light up your television screen at 2 a.m. offer the promise of a new life enhanced by technology, a utopian existence where you can stir chocolate milk faster, snack easier and eat all your meals in a bowl made of bacon.
Will these 7 As Seen on TV items transform your eating experience? Probably not. But they certainly make eating more entertaining. Check them out:
1. Slob Stopper
There’s a reason why bibs are reserved for little kids – most adults have evolved from smashing their faces into their dinners to using knives, forks and non-sippy cups. Don’t tell that to the SlobStopper, which offers a “stain-defending, commute-protecting, and stylish” bib for adults. Or, in SlobStopper’s words, a “waterproof barrier.” If you miss eating with the joyful abandon of a toddler, this product is for you. As SlobStopper’s slogan says, “Bibs aren’t just for babies!”
2. Grill Glove
The oven mitt: a wonderful invention that lets us handle hot items while avoiding horrifying burns. But what if you could use an oven mitt to carry actual food? For grillers who see tongs as an unruly device that gets in the way of their steak, there’s the Grill Glove–a heat-resistant sheath that lets you pick up your food right on the hot grate. Eating hot-off-the-grill steaks and baked potatoes as finger food? The Grill Glove makes it a reality.
3. Perfect Bacon Bowl
Wish you could eat bacon with every meal? The Perfect Bacon Bowl makes this terrifyingly unhealthy feat possible, turning bacon into your cutlery. Simply wrap uncooked slices of bacon around the contoured cups, pop them in the oven, and mini bacon cups emerge prime for stuffing. Apologize to your cholesterol before you purchase this gadget.
Because sometimes, carrying a bottle and a snack bag is just too much effort. Snackeez’ “all-in-one snacking solution” is a thermos with a snack container up top and a separate liquid cup below it. Users can snack from the top part while sipping the straw from the bottom, avoiding the exacting task of eating while holding a drink. Given America’s rising rates of obesity, do we really need an easier way to snack?
5. Moo Mixer
Apparently, the age-old process of squirting chocolate syrup into milk and stirring it around with a spoon is too complicated for our modern times. Enter the Moo Mixer, a cow-spotted goblet with a battery-operated mixer that “makes a whirling vortex of power to thoroughly dissolve chocolate.” The gadget can be used for both hot and cold drinks, making it a handy hot chocolate mixer too. Say goodbye to syrupy bottoms of chocolate milk glasses and wayward chunks of hot cocoa mix, and hello to an innovation for the laziest of us.
6. Fridge Locker
Nobody likes when someone else steals your food, whether it’s by a hungry roommate or sneaky coworker. The Fridge Locker offers a novel solution: protect your lunch by locking it up. Promising to “stop refrig-a-raiders,” the Fridge Locker is a miniature metal cage with a chrome combination lock. The locker fits in the fridge, where you can fill it up with your precious office lunches, enter the combination and leave, knowing your coworkers – or, say, a random grizzly bear in your kitchen – can’t snag your Greek yogurt.
7. Slap Chop
Meet the Holy Grail of the as-seen-on-TV kitchen, The Slap Chop. Infamous from its infomercials, the Slap Chop’s function is basic: “slap” the device’s high-speed plunger, and it chops your food into tiny pieces. You could just use a knife, of course, but the Slap Chop is dishwasher-safe, armed with three blades, and far more fun.
For more fun with food, don’t miss the epic three-night miniseries event, EAT: The Story of Food starting this Friday, November 21st at 9/8c only on National Geographic Channel.