Are you a sporto, headbanger, geek, wasteoid, preppy or dweeb? Not sure? Then you probably don’t remember or haven’t learned how to speak 80s lingo. If you need to freshen up for your next 80s party, you’re in luck. Here’s a quick guide to communicate.
Let’s say you show up at the party and it’s really not all that. You were hoping for more than a bunch of dweebs hanging out by a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos and a six-pack of Tab. What should you say?
GRODY –Think the food is disgusting? Then say:
I thought there would be pizza. This food is totally grody.
GAG ME WITH A SPOON— Is the food worse than grody? Then say:
Ugh. Tab? Gag me with a spoon! You may as well be serving the “new” Coke.
BAG YOUR FACE –Is the guy hitting on you too ugly to be showing his face in public? Easy. Just say:
Seriously? You think I would go out with you? Bag your face!
Not feeling well?
You knew the Tab and Doritos would make your stomach churn, but you ate them anyway.
HURL — How do you explain to your buds that you think you’re going to be sick? Tell them:
Dude. I think I’m going to hurl!
Want to say something is great?
Fortunately, your friend heard about this other great party where there are some righteous dudes, smokin’ chicks, great grub and wine coolers. How do you share your appreciation to your friends?
GNARLY– Apparently, the party host’s parents are out of town, but he lives in a mansion. So say:
Like, this house is totally gnarly!
BITCHIN’– Not only is there a pool at this party, but there’s a New Wave cover band on the patio. You’re totally digging it so you say: This Duran Duran song is so bitchin’.
RAD— So you meet the lead singer of the band and he is totally into all the same things as you. What do you tell your best friend while he gets you a drink? He is so rad!
Is it better than rad?
Wait! That’s not a cover band. It IS Duran Duran and you were just talking to Simon Le Bon!!
STOKED — You’re imagining that he might actually ask for your phone number when he gets back. So you say to your friend: It’s SIMON and he’s going to ask for my phone number and then we’re going to get married and have five kids. I am so stoked!
WIGGIN’ – At which point your friend shakes her head and says: That is NOT Simon. Man, you are totally wiggin’.
Need someone to calm down?
So maybe it wasn’t the lead singer of Duran Duran, but with that lip gloss and eyeliner he looked just as righteous as one of the fab five. You can’t let it go.
CHILL– What’s your friend going to say to you? Girlfriend, you need to chill out. That dude has a receding hairline.
VEG OUT-– She’s right. He’s no Simon. Now the party is a bust. So what does a great friend say to you? Come on, let’s blow this taco stand. We can go veg out and watch Princess Bride again. What do you say?
You know what you would say. You’d say: Like totally!
So, later days, dudes! In the meantime, brush up on your 80s facts and learn to speak the decade that made us tubular! The 80s: The Decade that Made Us, a three-night, six-part event, premieres tomorrow, April 14 at 8 p.m. et/pt on NGC. If you don’t… well, as Mr. T would say, “I pity the fool!”